


Inappropriate Behaviour

by canistakahari



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, F/M, Flirting, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canistakahari/pseuds/canistakahari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jarvis flirts with Pepper. Tony gets jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inappropriate Behaviour

Jarvis flirts with Pepper. It's not like Tony hasn't noticed, hell, he programmed his AI to be sarcastic and cheeky - he couldn’t really tolerate an AI that was cold and boring, even Dummy and Butterfingers have crude personalities – so he's not really surprised that Jarvis will occasionally compliment Pepper on her always-tasteful clothing, or tell her she's looking especially nice that day.  
  
It's barely even flirting, then, it's just a bit of code doing its business, and he knows Pepper takes it as such. She always half-smiles when Jarvis speaks up, and thanks him in the same tone she uses at parties, the appreciative-yet-not-really-paying-attention tone. Pepper regards Jarvis, for all his strange quirks and odd personality, as yet another machine, and his comments are accepted and then immediately dismissed.  
  
They always linger slightly longer with Tony, though. Possibly because he's responsible for the bit of programming that creates Jarvis' spontaneously independent assessment of Pepper's wardrobe, and possibly because it weirds him out just a little. When he mentioned it to Rhodey, he was accused of being jealous. Tony had raised an eyebrow, balled up a piece of paper, and bounced it off Rhodey's head, disrupting his swing in Wii golf. The results were sadly catastrophic.  
  
Like most things, though, it slips Tony's mind eventually, because he has so many other things rattling around in there, vying for attention. Like how to program his oven to accurately differentiate between 'crème brûlée' and 'crème burnt utterly fucking black'.  
  
He's scrubbing carbon with a sponge and Pepper is in the living room, tip-tapping away at her laptop, when Tony hears Jarvis' voice say faintly, “you're looking ravishing today, Miss Potts”. Tony pauses, blinking into the cavernous mess of charcoal flakes that once was a top-of-the-line cooking appliance, and wonders if he programmed Jarvis to say that to Pepper, and maybe forgot. It's entirely possible. Probable, even.  
  
After a long pause, Pepper seems to assume the same line of reasoning. "Very funny, Tony," she calls dryly into the kitchen, and her typing resumes.  
  
Tony shrugs, and mutters, "Smooth, Jarvis," into the abyss.  
  
He isn't really expecting Jarvis to murmur, "Thank you, sir," in return.  
  
The Really Fucking Weird level skyrockets one night when Tony's just returned from rescuing orphans from a burning building in Taiwan, or some shit like that - to be honest, he's not really sure - and his ears are still ringing from the beam that clanged off the top of his helmet.  
  
He's stuck in the damn thing. The rest of the suit is off and disassembled, but he's bracing himself behind the desk of the workstation as the mechanical arms swarm around him and attempt to "gently, GENTLY!" pry off the warped alloy still wrapped snugly around his skull.  
  
"If I might interject, sir," Jarvis offers calmly, raising his voice to be heard over Tony's fervent curses. "Some lubricant might assist you."  
  
"This is neither the time nor the place to attempt to get in my pants, Jarvis," Tony snaps, his voice muffled.  
  
"Pardon me, sir. I wasn't aware you were so discerning," Jarvis says lightly, and with one nigh-on violent tug, the helmet is sent skittering across the room as Tony yelps and tumbles backwards.  
  
"Like popping a champagne cork," says Pepper, and Tony can hear the smile in her voice. He peels himself off the floor and turns to see her standing in the doorway, ever-present clipboard held to her chest.  
  
"Pity that you always hide the view."  
  
Pepper's eyes widen, and then narrow in a glare at Tony. "Very funny," she frowns, "but you should really stop programming poor Jarvis to say things like that."  
  
"I didn't!" protests Tony, his jaw tightening as his expression turns possessive. "Jarvis, quit the weirdo hanky-panky talk, it’s not becoming of a stand-up robot brain such as yourself. Plus, there's a different between a 'friendly flirting' protocol, and 'eyeing up my assistant'." He can't quite tell what he doesn't like more: Jarvis noticing Pepper, or Jarvis not paying the majority of his attention to Tony, as always. Jarvis is his pet, dammit, and Pepper is his assistant.  
  
"Apologies, sir. Would it help if I told you your arse looks especially fine in those jeans?"  
  
"No," snaps Tony, his eyebrows narrowing in a sulky frown as he stalks to the nearest console and jabs angrily at the keys.  
  
"No need to be so handsy," purrs Jarvis. “Though I think I like it rough.”  
  
Pepper approaches to look curiously over his shoulder. "Is there a reason Jarvis has suddenly turned into Gigolo Joe?"  
  
"Hey, hey, Idiot Box, are you serious, trying to lock me out of my own system?" demands Tony, ignoring Pepper and kicking at the wall. "Jarvis, fuck you!"  
  
"Oh, I'd dearly love to see you try, sir."


End file.
